To say the least...I had a 'conflicted' upbringing. I don't tell this story all that often, but after glancing at the 'beat the nice guy now' video, and the 'asian dating superstars' ad, they both took me back to think about how I was raised.
I was born my mother's only child, and she was Filipina and unmarried. The 'baby-daddy' left eventually, never to be seen again, and it wasn't until 4 years later that she met the man she was going to marry. That man could've been a great step-dad, but instead he decided to adopt me and raise me like I was his own. He was the stereotypical white, strong, Chicago raised, Alpha Male of a guy.
Imagine the clash of raising styles:
-One was a 'pleaser'. Always please everyone, including your children. Raise your children to be pleasers, submissive, kind, and very soft-hearted. Don't start any conflicts at all.
- The other....well I'll explain later...
Growing up, my Mom would spoil me, and my Dad would give me crap. He had his core values on a sleeve, and they were MANLY core values. I remember resenting him and his 'bad-assness' at the time because I if I wanted to be a brat, I'd just get my mom to side with me. Looking back, and even back then, I felt guilty for starting heated fights between the two.
Yes, I resented my father when I didn't get my way, which was a often, but the lessons learned were fortunately stored in the back of my mind. His core values weren't the easiest core values to implement in your life. They take balls, they take drive, they take old-school, blue-fucking-collar WORK. Of course because of my mom, I always had the easy way out, and up until my young adulthood, that is what I would take.
Only recently have I truely chose in my heart of hearts to do all I can to emulate my father's rules, and I thought I'd share a few of them:
Quote:
Don't take shit from anyone.
My mom would be popping stress pills like prozac and others because she would feel she had to bend over backwards to please bosses, co-workers, and family. My Dad would often come home with stories on conflicts he had with his boss. He'd always win, because he knew there was a 'boss' boss' or someone up the chain that he could go to.
Quote:
Stick to your fuckin' guns. They define what kind of man you are.
My dad was in the public eye during the mid to late 80's, before he met my mom. He ran a gas station in Oak Park, a neighboring town next to Chicago. It was constantly robbed at gunpoint, until he one day used a .45 to defend himself. The robber got away, but when the police came, they arrested my dad instead, due to 'illegal handgun laws'.
He fought for his second amendment rights for months, in the eye of Chicago's media. He fought for the right to bear arms and defend himself against people who don't follow the law. He not only was featured in a book by Caroline Kennedy, but was on an episode of Opera which talked about the issue.
Your core values are you. They define you. Like Tony Montana's "balls and his word", don't break your values for no one.
Quote:
You want to be a man? Then walk like a man and talk like a man!
Only in my adulthood have I implemented this, I'm afraid to admit. I had a rough set of high school years with some bad phases. I had this goth/emo phase sophomore year after a hard breakup, and then this 'wanksta' phase from junior year up until graduation. Neither phase had great body language. I ended up looking shorter, stockier, and fatter than I really was, and not only that but to this day I go to the chiropractor to fix the misalignment in my neck for always hanging my head low. I'm 5'6" but back then I was 5 feet. My dad was 5'10" but stood like he was 6 feet.
Quote:
Don't be afraid of work. You want something bad enough you will fight, scrounge, and work for it.
I've never to this day seen a man that was a 'jack-of-all' like my dad. He ran businesses, he knew accounting like the back of his hand, he could cook and clean better than most maids, and he literally built a house using only himself and a small construction crew. He knew the value of work ethic.
He also knew the value of defiance and fighting. As you can guess, he's not with us anymore. Back in '03 he was diagnosed with stomach cancer. They tried to get it out through surgery, but the cancer was too large and too close to other tissue, so they couldn't touch it. The doctor gave him 6-8 months to live. He decided to go the chemo/radiation route instead, fighting and fighting until there were no more options left. He was always hopeful, always determined, even down to the final week. The doc said 6-8 months, my dad gave him 2 whole years. He showed a Heart of a Lion.
So in retrospect, I am incredibly thankful for the type of father I was raised with. Knowing the stereotypical way asian boys are raised, I was fortunate to experience first hand what an Alpha Male is all about. As I go through my own evolution, I always think of him in the back of my mind as a man I aim to be.
thanks.
